tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7288246453268952191.post806480208117914085..comments2023-11-02T05:51:30.624-07:00Comments on rocket number zero nine: Layers of flavor, layers of fat - correlation or strange cosmic coincidence?Matthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09663408988272116822noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7288246453268952191.post-15827672192368020572007-01-18T22:07:00.000-08:002007-01-18T22:07:00.000-08:00There's an advertisement on an easel-like contrapt...There's an advertisement on an easel-like contraption near the entrance to Lecture Hall 4 (which conveniently houses three of my four classes,) on Western Washington campus. It's for McDonald's dollar menu, and it reads, "Until you can illegally download food, this is your best deal."<br />Wait a minute, McDonald's. I think you forgot the deal where I eat food that isn't slew on their grease-soaked, death-permeating fat farms. That's totally a better deal. <br />Or the deal where I just steal food. Mathematically speaking, at least, that's a much better deal than a dollar menu.<br />Imagine a bank saying in their advertisement, "Until you can illegally download 20 dollar bills, these APR rates are the best deal around."<br />By the way, is APR rates redundant, like TGIF Friday? Or ATM machine? Or NASA waste of money? <br />I mean, don't get me wrong, I would be the first to sign up to control a gigantic robot in outer space, incidentally left with the daunting task of saving the entire galaxy. If that's NASA's program, then I apologize and I'm all kinds of for it. <br />But should that black abyss ever be commercialized, I'm totally joining whichever side creates the first giant robot suit with a cockpit either in the chest or face. Even if that means the Iranians. I'm that dedicated to the cause.<br />Or, God forbid, Republicans. <br />Point is, McDonald's sucks. Buh dah bah BAH buh...<br />If O.J. came out with a theme song that went "Buh dah bah BAH buh...I'm not glovin' it, but if I was, here's how I'd do it," I would totally iTunes that immediately. The whole chapter about how he had the bloody knife and he "blacked out," which I think is slang for went crazy on their asses, and he came to at his house with a bloody knife. <br />I mean, didn't he evade police? Wasn't he wearing a fake beard and carrying large amounts of 'cash money,' as Fez would say? And didn't he have motive? And isn't he black?<br />I mean, that sounds open and shut. <br />Love your stuff, Matt. You invariably seem to recall things you do with an old-timey british feel, i.e. the monocle and tea time, but you speak a permutation of the truth. I like to call it, H Rutt. <br />I need to get me a blog. Sorry for using up your space on my spiel. Enjoy the night!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7288246453268952191.post-46216696234120334472007-01-18T01:34:00.000-08:002007-01-18T01:34:00.000-08:00If I might borrow a little something from my good ...If I might borrow a little something from my good friend comedian Patton Oswald:<br /><br />"Can you pile all of those food items into a single bowl so that I can eat it with a spoon like I'm a death row prisoner on suicide watch...Um yes we can do that, we can also arrange those separately on a plate like your an adult with dignity and self-respect. "<br /><br />America has spoken: Pile my food in a bowl and make a hillock out of it. And until we can invent lunch guns we'll all have to make do with make do with a failure pile in a sadness bowl.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7288246453268952191.post-53628751549964061122007-01-17T23:08:00.000-08:002007-01-17T23:08:00.000-08:00Those roller-shoes. Raaah. I went to the South H...Those roller-shoes. Raaah. I went to the South Hill Mall the other day, and like every person under the age of 14 had them. It was fucked up.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7288246453268952191.post-70157567831599584382007-01-17T22:59:00.000-08:002007-01-17T22:59:00.000-08:00Nice choice of picture. That looks like about the ...Nice choice of picture. That looks like about the most disgusting thing I've ever set eyes upon. I feel sick to my stomach just looking at the bowl of sludge.<br />You know, I'm sensing a theme here. There are all these little things that make our country laughable and rediculous (the "famous" bowls, the roller-shoes, etc). I enjoy your commentary on them tremendously. Americans need to be told how ridiculous they are more often. I'm glad you've taken up the job. I commend you.<br /><br />That is all.Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16017556567214650599noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7288246453268952191.post-2591375690124787632007-01-17T22:57:00.000-08:002007-01-17T22:57:00.000-08:00This comment has been removed by the author.Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16017556567214650599noreply@blogger.com