Why Apple sucks and you know it

Steve Jobs is a liar.

There, I said it and I’d say it again if I had to. Jobs, with his hipster attitude and tiny, tiny notebook computers, is treading water in a sea of fallacy. His assertion that Apple computers “just work” (see image above), is not only a maddeningly vague statement, but it’s also simply not grounded in any sort of reality. You see, I am a frequent user of both Macs and PCs. At home, I generally use PCs, while at work, I use Macs exclusively. And I can honestly say, without bias, that Macs crash just as often and encounter just as many errors as PCs, and any Mac-toting yuppie that says otherwise is only buying into Jobs’ bull.

Now, you must understand: This entry is not a submission to the PC vs. Mac debate, nor is it the mindless Mac-bashing of a PC-user. Rather, it is a feeble attempt to explain to both sides that computers in general are temperamental hunks of plastic prone to failure. Macs simply fall a tad closer to the center of my crosshair here because Steve Jobs and his legions of scruffy college students seem to think that Macs are God’s gift to technology.

I have friends who are die-hard Mac users and swear by the machines. Perhaps I've just had a string of bad luck, but excuse me if I don't run out to buy the next weekly incarnation of the iPod. At least Microsoft doesn't pretend that it's products are flawless gems of perfection crafted by the hands of angels.

This evening, I was working on a MacBook. I required a simple task of the machine – I had several hundred Bitmaps that needed to be compiled into a single video file. Essentially, I needed my Mac to create a slideshow of images. A rudimentary job, really. Something that I should be able to count on any computer, Mac or PC, to complete without much trouble.

Boy, was I wrong. I found out that MacBooks don’t come standard with all of QuickTime’s features. Now, bear in mind, QuickTime is an Apple application. No, in order to complete this very simple task I required of the MacBook, I would need to stuff another $30 into Jobs’ bulging wallet and get QuickTime “Pro.”

Words cannot express my disbelief, frustration, disappointment, and fury.

Well, certain words can, but members of my family read this blog and I shall refrain.

I am truly baffled at this realization. I thought back to those witty Mac commercials where the hip Mac makes fun of the tubby PC because he can’t connect to printers and whatnot. Macs were so simple, right? So easy and down-to-earth! They were basic machines capable of great things with very little effort.

And, to some extent, I still believe that. One has only to look at some of the great apps packaged with Macs (GarageBand immediately springs to mind). But to ask more money of your customers after the $1,200 MacBook for the most basic of features is criminal. And I'm not even touching on the fact that a majority of Apple's products do not allow the user to do something as simple as replace the battery. At least Microsoft trusts its customers enough to allow them to replace the battery on their notebook computer without shipping them back and paying out the butt. It’s a blatant disregard for the consumer, and for the message that Apple propagates. Let's take a look at a block of text courtesy of Apple's UK site attempting to convince me to buy a Mac:

If you spend more of your precious time figuring out why your PC crashes than you spend taking out the rubbish every week, you need a Mac. Still not convinced? Just ask the millions of people who use and love a Mac why it's become such an integral part of their lives, and most will you the same thing: it just works. Letting them do what they want to do. When they want to do it. All the Time.

Well, first of all, I really don't spend that much time trying to figure out why my PC crashes. It's not the finicky device Apple claims it to be. Secondly, I don't care if millions of people own Macs. And don't sit there and tell me it's "an integral part of their lives." It's a freaking computer and I'm not going to take that garbage about the "Mac community." And yeah, they will tell me "it just works," mostly because they can't think of anything other than a vague, recycled advertisement to explain to me why Macs are so superior. And if I can do what I want to do, when I want to do it, all the time, can you please explain to me why I spent two hours this evening wrestling with a MacBook over a few Bitmap images?

“It just works” doesn’t apply unless you’ve forked over this additional $30, apparently. And yeah, in the grand scheme of things, what’s $30?

Well, Apple, how about this instead: In the grand scheme of things, what’s one customer?

So, am I swearing off Macs? Of course not, I'm not that petty. And if I was, I would have sworn off PCs a long time ago. Macs are great machines capable of some awesome things. But I think it's high-time both companies took a hard look at their products and how their customers are treated. And Apple, as the self-proclaimed company that "just works," needs to take the initiative and do something about it. First things first, don't hold essential features ransom.