Hasselhoff is done drinking? Huzzah, give him a freaking medal!

Don't kid yourself. Hasselhoff did it for the puppies.

For those of you who haven't heard (and, believe me, it shouldn't be big news), Baywatch hunk and washed-up has-been David Hasselhoff has relapsed again, as is made apparent in a recently aired home video of him passed out, shirtless, stuffing a hamburger into his face. Check out the story.

Pathetic, right?

But, here I am, driving to school, zoning out to a bit of morning talk radio, and the commentators are commending him. COMMENDING HIM. Their reasoning was that Hasselhoff reportedly told his daughters to record him, so that he might see first-hand how verbally abusive he could become. This, Hasselhoff claims, is helping him on the road to recovery ... again.

So, here's the deal: this happens every time a celebrity goes into rehab, or admits they have a problem with drugs, or booze, or sex, or gambling, or baby seal-clubbing, or whatever. The media throws a friggin' party, people flip out, and everyone begins showering them with praise for cleaning up their act.

So ... I've never had a sip of alcohol, I've never even thought about smoking a cigarette and I have absolutely no desire to try elicit substances of any kind.

So where's my parade?

Why is a celebrity commended for finally getting around to fixing their screwed-up life? I'm not saying it's wrong: recovery is a tough process, and anyone who succeeds is braver than I'll ever be. But Mr. Hasselhoff has "recovered" how many times now? Three? Four? If you relapse every couple of years, how can you be "recovered"?

I have no problem admiring people who have overcome an addiction. It is something to be commended. But what about people who lead normal, happy lives devoid of scandal? Where's their media storm? Where's their magazine cover?

I suppose unless I'm passed out on the carpet covered in left-over White Castle, I don't deserve the attention.