Why the phrase "Git r done" should not exist

America, America ... God shed his grace on thee ...

There are few things in this world that elicit the same unbridled, white-hot rage that occurs within me when I hear or see the phrase "git r done." It might be compared to being rear-ended on a traffic-jammed freeway in the rain and given the bird as the perpetrator, a morbidly obese man with a taco hanging out of his food-chute, drives off in a Hummer with a bumper sticker reading "I LOVE WASTING GAS" plastered on its rear. Yeah, it's like that, only madder. Way madder.

I wonder what the phrase even means. If I knew, would it make sense? Or would it still be a perplexing botchery of the English language, embraced by the white trash of America as their motto. Though, as a motto, it's pretty ambiguous.

"Git r done." Let's take it apart, shall we? The "git" obviously means "get," while the "r" is a bit of a mystery. But we can assume, through the inflection of the letter, that it's referring to "her." So the phrase, roughly translated, is "get her done."

And who, exactly, is her? Is it not a woman, but rather a task? Yes, maybe it's a task. "Honey, did you mow the lawn?" a woman asks. "Not yet, dear," the husband replies. "Well, git r done ya lazy sack'a crap!" Makes sense, I suppose.

The fact of the matter is that Larry the Cable Guy, the phrase's originator, is bordering on a Carlos Mencia level of unfunniness. "Larry" isn't even from the South -- he's from friggin' Florida for God's sake. And yet overweight Southerners (see above image) embrace him as a national icon. He's like the Ghandi of the South, if you will.

And it's gotten to the point where the phrase has lost the little meaning it had in the first place. It can literally be used for everything. Hey, do you want to go roller-skating? GIT R DONE! Who are you voting for the 2008 election? GIT R DONE! That brownie looks tasty, can I have a bite? GIT R DONE! Why are you punching that moose? GIT R DONE!

So here's my proposal: If I see someone wearing an item of clothing with the phrase "Git r done" printed on it, I should be allowed, legally, to punch them in the face. It's ridiculous that I'm not allowed to cause these people physical pain. Nobody would question my actions.

And if they did ... well, I'd punch them too.